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This post will be quite personal, and probably TMI for many, so feel free to skip right over it.
This blog originally started because I needed a place to vent, to get off my mind what was bothering me. This blog originally was started at a very rough time in my personal life. I’m extremely saddened that when my blog was moved, to a new server, I lost many of those postings. I’ve been married for 11 years – actually that’s an ‘almost’. 3 years back, it was almost done. There was a lot of not so great things happening. If you’ve been my blog reader for a long time, or if you know me..you’ll know what these issues were.
The full moon on Thursday brought to light something that i’m not sorry for. My husband is going to be 39 this year. Everyone knows as men get older their sex drive begins to fade. It stops working right or when they want to perform they can’t. To be honest last weekend when my husband said he wanted to go to Mass., to visit his family because his uncle who lives on the west coast was in, I was really on the fence, Because of shit that had happened as recently as a year ago. I ultimately agreed to him going, to which I didn’t sleep much if at all saturday night. (or for a few nights after) No one has the perfect marriage. IF you think they do, then either you’re a fool, or they’re playing you really well. Every couple, has struggles. It’s how you choose to deal with those struggles, those problems, those issues, is what will make or break your marriage.
I found out some not so pleasant things that thursday night..the night of the full moon. Previously the huz and I had been discussing possible treatments for his sexual drive. I’d even suggested some toys to help prolong the times when we are in bed. Trying to not make him feel less, because he couldn’t go as long anymore, and once not at all. It’s like some cruel joke.. I’m turning 33 this year, right around the time most women hit their sexual prime – while about 10 years ago, the huz was still in his, and I was not as interested – plus having kids – i was only 22, ‘still a kid’ in many respects. Anyway, Thursday I found some disturbing messages, and caught him ‘strolling through’ tumbler posts of random self nudes and other nudes of a sexual nature. I’ll tell ya, I was crushed. This has long been a problem.
Turns out, after a quiet, emotionally charged conversation.. (MANY kudos to me for not flipping my lid and staying civil – while him not so much) at 1am, I got answers out of him. Answers, that I told him, i’m not sorry that it’s this way. I think, it’s FINALLY sunk in. That something in his brain finally ‘clicked’ or shut off. It makes me feel good and relieved that no other woman can do for him what I do. I’m not sorry, that i’ve finally cornered the market so to speak. Finding this out, let me, for the first time in a very long time, have peace of mind that I didn’t know I was missing.
I’m still going to try and help him figure out what’s wrong. Push on him a little bit now and then to schedule a proper physical, because honestly, i’d much rather the real thing than toys..and I know he would too, as he’s said so.
Heh, I want my ‘dirty old man’ to be able to keep up. *wink* So we can go back to doing all night, what has turned into taking all night to do.
If you stayed through my post, thank you.
I’m now the owner of a yet to exist small business. Meaning we’re still working out all the kinks. I’ve not been giving as much feedback, except where asked, as this is not as much of my project, but the huz’s .. Almost 2 months ago, I posed the question to him, “What would you want to do with the rest of your life if money was not an issue?” His response was he wanted to Fly. So, he started looking into what it would take. After some research, there were no jobs for him in that field out here where we live. - While he may not remember, I do. He gave up this line of search..and went looking for another way to support the family.
Now, Side note. For the last approximately 6 years, his job loss frequency has increased. I told him somewhere around 2010, it’s time to change career paths. Yes, 3 years ago. I’d seen the pattern increasing. The divine/fate had other plans for him. We had “toyed” with the idea previously of getting him his pilot’s license. However, because of the then current circumstances, it just wouldn’t have been attainable. I wonder if he remembers me telling him it’s probably a time for career change?
So, here we sit, with a business plan going into second draft, and the huz moving forward with getting funding for getting his commercial pilots license. We have set up an indegogo campaign http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/following-the-dream-to-reality/x/482351 . We only have a few tiers of “perks”, but we’re working on it. This is a life-long dream of his, to fly that is. I’ve gone as far as to suggest once the business is established, the non-profit we can create. It’s really and truly a brilliant idea. We live in a little touristy town. There’s not many opportunities for learning valuable life skills. So, I had proposed creating a flight school for kids to be able to learn. Of course anyone else could attend, but the focus would be on kids wanting to learn to fly. We want it to be affordable for them to learn. The only other really big career choice for this area is lobster fishing. The main business season here runs from April to November. At any rate, it’s an incredible undertaking. We could really use your support, in anyway you’d like to give it. Sharing my post, donating to the first ‘real’ phase of our business, or anything else you can think of.
This is more than just someone wanting their pilot’s license. It’s a dream, it’s a big one I’ll give you that, but it’s what my husband wants to do with the rest of his life and support his family in the process. I support him in his decision. Honestly, I’ve always loved the idea of flying as well. I just won’t pursue it until the time is right. I’m still working on building Twin Pixie Media & Gifts. (I’m all sorts of legal now ^_^)
Let me ask you, what would you like to see as a perk for donating in this first phase? It still feels a bit empty, and not friendly enough.
Please chime in. If your ideas are great and for us “do-able” we’ll add them in!
Equality For All!
Since May of this year, I have lost 25 pounds and 15.5 inches. Since the beginning of the 60 day challenge (august 1st to October 1st) 15 of those 25 pounds and 6.5 inches disappeared. My clothes fit so much differently. I’m nearing my size 14′s again! I’ve not worn them in 2 years. There’s been a lot of crap that’s happened to me over the last 2 years. I know that no one’s life is a cakewalk by any means, I just found the last 2 years or so of mine to be particularly challenging. A little reader’s digest of my last 2 years.
I separated from my husband – and took my 4 kids and went to live with my parents 800 miles north
we lost our house
my husband and I reconciled
he moved back in
8 people in a 2 bedroom house is hell
husband is still unemployed (almost 2 years)
my previous weight loss achievements were being flushed from stress
my weight was slowly climbing
huz took red to a monster truck rally
our marriage nearly disintegrated
I started smoking again
huz found work
we started looking for our own place
huz took a job in Maine
we found a place in Maine at the end of summer 2011
FREEDOM – we had our own place again
thanksgiving 2011 – just me and my boys
Christmas/yule 2011 – whole family (all 6 of us)
husband is fired from work
a few months pass
totaled my car – leading to a 6 month period of being house bound
huz is jumping job to job – seriously seems like a new one every couple of months
Beyond the Willows is formed and I’m getting a trickle of income
thankfully kids do well in school through all of this.
end of summer 2012 best friend moves in.
3 yo is potty trained
things are on an even keel – thank the gods
November 2012 we’re moving again – one year later
Through all this, I’m still trying to move forward. This is not the worst story out there, I am aware of this. Still, some pretty amazing things have happened as well. I’m almost back to the weight /size I was 2 years ago. I’ve helped my best friend start to get his life moving forward again – away from the toxic living situation he was in. The huz found a job for my best friend. We’re moving into a beautiful gorgeous 1800/1900′s house right in town.
My progress from this 60 day challenge? it’s just amazing. ready?
This, i achieved this even with all the other chaos in my life. Next step – i will quit smoking again.
If you want to try the vitamin supplement ACE leave me a message. I fully believe it helped my loss. I started taking ACE in June. I weighed 210lbs back in May. Now today – I weigh 183lbs. I’ve lost nearly 30 pounds!
Thank you, if you’ve been following my journey. I’ll be sure to do occasional updates. Once I get a couple more body shots, i’ll collage them and post.
If you follow my blog, and would be interested in a holiday stay fit challenge, let me know. I’d love to coordinate one.
Blessings & Gentle Breezes!